Book Review: The Last Werewolf

I am reading The Last Werewolf, and nearly done with it. It is entertaining and does some new and creative things with the whole werewolf tradition. But I have share my reactions and peeves.

Common Werefolk/Werewolf Bullshit

Werefolk cannot only shift during a full moon - Bullshit. We can shift anytime we want to, day or night, any day of the month, but should not hold in wereform for too long. And we should stay in human or canine phase for the duration, depending on which phase we are in, and where we are living. If not, problems can arise.

Werewolves are murdering monsters who have no control in the need to kill and eat their victims - Bullshit. Werewolves, some, like to indulge in that from time to time, but are no more out of control than weredogs are in terms of their diets or violence.

Werewolves carry the souls of their victims - This is something new and interesting that Glen Duncan, the author, does with this story. It is interesting. But just how would that work? Werefolk are biological organisms just like people and parakeets. This implies some manner of mysticism that is beyond silly.

Humans are a species of sheep upon which all werewolves feeds at their leisure - Total bullshit. Humans are the most lethal and dangers species in this or any other planet. Why else would we, weredogs and werewolves, hide our existence from people. Even we, weredogs, do not dare make ourselves known to people, even to our families. Humans as sheep? Yeah, right.

Vampires - Total fiction and silliness. Come on. Really? A species of humanoid-parasites that survives on consuming just blood? And shifts rom human form to a freaking bat, so that they can fly away? And burns up in the sun? Really? Puh-leeeeease. I've never understood this weird fiction and its allure for so many people. And why a bat, for fuck sake? Why not a cat? How much cooler would it be if vampires changed into flying cats and not a flying rodent? Now that would make sense, vampires as cats, and would lend allot to the whole werewolf-vampire antagonism. 

Sex with humans - Done all the time and not a problem, no need to kill and eat them, even for wolves, not necessarily. Only risk is too much attachment or exposure. Sex with humans has its unique pros and cons, as does sex with werefolk. Each have their prefs. I know a few men who would like to eat their ex-wives, but that is a different matter.

Werewolves can’t speak when in wereform = TOTAL, silly and ridiculous bullshit. Of course we can talk when in wereform. How else could we function and operate, have pack meetings, discuss BBQ and play in werebands? OK, do dogs and wolves cannot speak human language. But they are canines. Werefolk, in wereform, are not canines. We do speak in human languages, but also in ways that do not involve spoken language, ways that use scents and coat and body movement. But we most certainly can speak in wereform. Some of us have quite nice speaking and even signing voices, when in wereform. You have not heard Wagner or Metallica best until you have heard them played by a wereband.

Boilermaker's Union

The Boilermaker's Union, an international union which is headquartered in Kansas City, is in a lot of trouble lately and is run by a pack of werewolves. This pack has been known to us for some time. We have not moved against them because they have not been preying upon people, at least not with tooth and claw.

Boilermakers Union - Werewolves Out of Control

Wolves often, usually, do not know when to stop, when to restrain themselves and what lines not to cross. Wolves were central to many of the recent financial debacles that have plagued this country - the junk bonds fiascos of the 1980s, the recent subprime mortgage and corporate bailout fiasco, and most of the deregulation over the past 30 years that has allowed the foxes to take charge of the chicken coops. Derivatives are a particular werewolf favorite.

No matter how well they clean up and what clothes they wear and how charming the appear and how polished their dinner table etiquette, few werewolves can control their predatory nature, which strives to be expressed in one way or another.

Ancient Battle Site

I visited an ancient battle site when I was in Europe earlier this year. It is the site of an ancient battle between men and werewolves. Scientist have found the bones nearly 100 warriors and suspect the remains of 1,000. Werelore tells that there are the remains of thousands of human warriors in this place.

Here is a recent article:
2,000 Year Old Mass Grave


Scientists are trying to figure out why so many of the bones have teeth marks. That is because after the battle the werewolves feasted on their dead opponents.

Werelore claims that there were no weredogs present at this battle, that the chieftan did not trust nor want and weredogs involved and had banished us from his lands. Also, there were very much out-numbered, had no idea how many werewolf warriors they would be facing.

Werewolves are asking for help in masking the truth of this ancient battle site. We are discussing that request, which has numerous issues attached.

Dogs Smarter than LTs?

This will come as no surprise to some:

Military dogs have been shown to be smarter than junior officers?

Not all LTs (lieutenants) are that bad. But the rep is there, and has been for a loooong time.

Catching up on things, emails, etc.

Clach

I met a werewulf in Afghanistan who is commanding a company of paratroopers.

Clach was living in New Orleans when Katrina hit. He was a lobo solo, not a member of a pack, alone, living amongst people, wanting to take out his hatred on them as much as he could.

As the storm rolled in he stuck around. He was stalking a family, a mother and 2 daughters, who lived in his same house in the 9th Ward. He planned to kill and eat all 3 of them. Maybe let the youngest go. At the very least eat the mother. Something about her drew him to her. She was succulent.

A turn of events found him trapped in an attic with these 3, and their cat and dog, a small terrier. The water was so high that they could not get out without drowning. And there were no points of egress in the attic, no windows.

The women and girls did not give up. Nor the terrier, who made it very clear that he knew what Clach was and what he planned and the terrier was having none of it. "Don't even think about it! Don't even think about it!" the terrier kept barking. "I will tear you up!" The cat kept clear of him.

In a force born of desperation, with the water around their ankles in that attic, Clach kicked through the roofing, allowing them to escape onto the roof. It was still raining. Clach lifted all of them, including the terrier and cat, through the hole and onto the roof and to the crest, as high as they could get. And waited. For no one. They neither heard nor saw any boats or helicopters.

They saw a small boat, a shallow-draft fiber-glass shell, floating past nearby. Clach swam out to it and pulled it back, got them all in and away they went. They floated around that flooded city for hours until picked up by the Coast Guard.

When it was over the 3 women hugged and thanked him. The mother hung onto him much longer than necessary. The terrier even licked his face. The cat ignored him.

The experience changed him. Not just in regards to the woman and the girls, but in regards to everything, so much so that a year later he was in Iraq, surrounded by humans, taking and giving orders from and to humans.

Meeting him was troubling, for is Clach now a werewolf behaving like a weredog, or is he a weredog who was a werewolf. I have always been told, "Once a wolf, always a wolf." But I am not so sure anymore.

I Have Bee Detained

The day of my last post I was seized by waerwulfas and taken to a secret location and held and interrogated, at times simply tortured for the fun of it, until just last week. I am recuperating at a safe location.

I would be dead if not for very high up intervention on my behalf, by a very old werelder, and a squad of varans who arrived at the secret location demanding I be released to them.

I am certain that I have felt worse, I just cannot remember when. My body is one big bruise, covered in lacerations and avulsions of all sizes and depths. They are all tended to and dressed, and I am spending more time in weredog form that I normally would, for the recuperative benefits. Just yesterday I was able to get move around a bit. I feel a little less like shit. Dionna says that I look good, in a rugged, been-to-hell-and-back sort of way.

Yes, Dionna. After all my time spent looking for her, she found me. I told her that if I had known that all I had to do to make her appear was get seized and brutalized by waerwulfas for 2 1/2 months that I would have tried that a long time ago and saved myself some trouble. She didn't laugh.

Dionna brought some startling news concerning a werwolf I met earlier this year, during my recent travels, named Clach.

I never did get back with Jack and Sherry and the boys. Caitlyn keeps me posted on how they are. She says that since my departure the pack has been keeping an eye on them, her especially since she is going to school with them. There has been no wolf or neo signs or scent around the house since I left. That means that they are safer without me around.

I plan to return to KC as soon as I can. Loose ends to tie up. I need to decide my next move, if I will stay in KC or move on.

God/Dog Wisdom

This is ironic and funny in so many ways.

Just got back. Posts, reports and updates to come.